>> Why you crying? But what’s your question, bro? Mess around and give us a boat? [speaks rapid-fire Spanish] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin’? And I can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland, hoo! Shoot! Some of you can handle, and some can’t– I got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s Day. l’d walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make. Oh, that’s a good question. Tony Montana : [to Sosa] I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. [whistling, clapping] He does it by himself. Black guys have got to be the coolest men on the planet. Then I pull up. Go ahead. I didn’t vote for him, but then again, I didn’t vote for the other guy either. I’m there for a week and every day she had a different comment. She cracks me up though, man. I promise I will be translating. I got off the plane, I looked around, I was, like, [high-pitched] Oh, my God! How are you handling success? They’re, like, What part of Ireland are you from? She was dancing, little lights were coming on in the back. [squish squish], We go to buy the picture, and there’s a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen. I’m driving, I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun. I’m excited about that cause it’s gonna make me more creative. #the magus #eugenides #queen's thief #megan whalen turner #qtq #source: john mulaney # … Because strip clubs are expensive when you gotta pay, right? I almost died. That’s a disgrace to this park! Larry the Cable Guy is back to Git R Done. [club music beat] End of the night, that same girl who’s been the leader, the captain, she gets more hammered than everybody. ‘Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I feel a disturbance in the force. [rrr] [high-pitched laughter] I’m having fun, they’re back there– [light honk]. This person article needs cleanup. [wild cheering] For those of you who still don’t know, there are five levels of fatness. I don’t know which one is that. Touch me right here. And that’s just the guy with the pushcart and little bell on the handlebars– [pring, pring, pring]. You can’t just make ’em go, Ahh. My favorite thing are the commercials because they’re always about sex. Take one for the team. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Going To Jail animated GIFs to your conversations. I had a little encounter one time on a plane. I’m all loaded. What’s your name, homey? I damn near pissed myself. Man, you’ve shown a lot of love and I appreciate you showin’ the Hawaiian shirt. [laughter] You can’t be hard and colorful. So we get to the front of the line, and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset, the lady who takes her job way too serious. This guy right here, is one of the greatest fans any entertainer could ever ask for. I pull up, [rrr, tires screech] [rrr, rrr] Martiiin! A civil rights activist who famously stormed Mississippi’s all-white delegation at the Democratic Convention in Atlantic City during 1964’s Freedom Summer, Hamer also organized voter registration drives in the Magnolia state, educating black people about their constitutional rights. [laughter] Who cares? Some girl recognizes you, [high-pitched] Oh my God! She says, I’m getting wet, do something! But I noticed something though. Alright? PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION:Yes, I already know we made the mistake in "does this count as annoying" part. Thank you so much, Bakersfield. [whoosh] Si. And when he comes out, we’re gonna make them run, and we’re gonna take off. Should jog after the ice cream man. I’m, like, Oh my God, there’s a whole other world out there. I look at the speedometer: one oh two. She freaked out, she’s like– Oh, my God! My favorite stand-up comic, Robin Williams, and I met him last year. Look over there, It’s an Al-Qaeda member. Let me tell you who was in the car. Thank you very much. Salvador! Fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool? Yes! If you don’t understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay? He does it by himself. [high-pitched female] He looks like that. Are we on the air? That was very nice of you. Why don’t you lift weights? Yeah, well, the rope broke. Just messin’ with you, bro. We’re arguing, going back and forth, I’m not paying attention. I’m not Samoan, I’m–Fluffy. Um, some of the family thinks that I’m doing pretty good. Right? Go to jail Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in the town Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So don't you be around Tonight there's gonna trouble I'm gonna find myself in Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So woman stay with a friend You know it's safer Breakout! Way–I swear to God–he was one of those straight-up you know, [ra-ta-ta-ta] And my mom hooked up with him about 30-plus years ago one night, and nine months later, tan-tan, and I came out– [laughter] So I have a vague memory of my father. Two-dollar beers. [loud laughter] See, I can’t even tell you guys a story. And so people bring it. The girls look young. You know who you are. It’s not that she doesn’t speak English, ’cause she speaks perfect English. I’m gonna go to jail! They’re really really good there, they’re not paying me nothing, I’m just talking about ’em, but I go to order and these guys were kinda, you know– the girls were cool but the guys were mean. I was, like, Whoa. And he was way off but he confronted me outside, all drunk, [Southern accent] Hey, you! Good times. That's the oh what the hell is he doing out here. Come on, motherfucker, we goin’ for a walk, bitch! So the cop comes back to the car, What the hell were you doing out there? Dude, don’t worry, I’m having fun. Orale, Bakersfield! [laughter] Get back to work! I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go whyyy???? Cabron, it’s cold, we’re gonna stay inside. Deep State actors responsible for the Russian collusion investigation are “gonna go to jail,” Sen. Lindsay Graham warned Sunday during an interview with Judge Jeanine Pirro on Fox News Channel. Two thousand. Okay, three there, two there. [imitates Mencia] Da’s how you do it! There’s a difference. They hung ‘im. That’s the way you do it. [high-pitched] I am not a stripper. Go ahead, crank up the music, crank that up. No, not the [unintelligible]. -Bill Cosby Laughter and humor are vital to humanity. Thank you, though. You know the corn guy, the elote guy, yeah? What’s your favorite joke? The cop goes to the girls, gives them a ticket, lets them go. Uh, Jack I n the Box. I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV. And I have people that love me and care about me whether this happens or doesn’t happen. [laughter] Hey, can you do Mencia? At the beginning, when I first started, coming here to Bakersfield, to the Fox Theater, I used to go to this taco place, up the way called Taco Loco— [cheering and whistling] And it’s still there. I know it’s hot but you got like a case and a half in there. I didn’t pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish. But again, the crocodile hunter, I give him a lot of love, a lot of credit but people go, [high-pitched] It’s such a loss to the nature community, you know, he taught us so much about nature. The cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face, Yeah, you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that, does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a. Ask a 10-year old, they’ll tell you, [childish voice] That’s funny! The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. Who was mean. Free beers, free lapdances, that’s a good time, right? We got enough Latinos in here to start a march. Maybe that’s why they lost. I go, Because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake. ... hey, hey. And people go, How do you come up with your material, Gabriel? An Iraqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet. Honk honk, that’s my cell phone, n i g g a. I’m running behind her going, No!! “The law, because I’m going to get your badge number, and I’m going to sue you as well.” ... “If you kick me, you’re gonna go to jail,” one officer warns Turner. I go, What is that? Even they were, like, Aloha brother, [unintelligible]. She had tennis shoes. I can’t say nothing back. [laughter] The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned, all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your bitch! I’m a-go to jail? I’ve never seen a black guy with a cat. I could tell her something, like, Mom, why did the chicken cross the road? He’s gonna come out right now. [speaks Spanish] Esta loca. Before I go, I got one more good story to tell you. I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know, [rrr, screech] Martiiin! Oh, yeah. It's not right for an innocent man to go to jail. Latinos would be running each other over, trying to get on. We got a mean old baby rash. Just have a little fun. But yeah, man, drinking here in town, you gotta be careful ’cause some people can handle alcohol. I turn around and my friend Felipe is like woahhhh.... Back seat, my friend Felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh I am so scared, Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles, B1 And I said You know, L.A., New York wasn’t where I got my start, in 1997, my first theater performance was right here on this very stage. Alright, I’m five foot three, fuck it, how you doin’ everybody? I was, like, [imitates Irish accent] Aye! You think you can do that? See, my mom, yeah, she’s Mexican, but she ole school Mexican, she didn’t even wanna cook. [laughter] No, that’s actually diet, which is cool. Oh! How do I get thrown out, right? Moped sucks, they have like no power. [whoosh] Si. See that? There’s a midget about that big, just recruiting people. Like, I got loaded one night, and I don’t know what happened, I accidentally wound up at this, um, “dance place”— gentlemen clubby place, right? I done near wet myself when you said ‘Donkey!’ My friend Rod didn’t laugh so I had to explain it to him and he thinks I’m wrong but I know I’m right. That was better than any ride you’ve ever been on. Not a lot of people can say that. Not anymore. They were big guys like so, You got a problem with the Raiders, son? My friends came up to me, Hey, you’re Curious George, huh, bro? [laughs] Double cheeseburger, order of fries and a shake. I experienced my first Raiders game. [laughs] Touch me. Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me. Why are you talking like that? [cheering] Same horn, every neighborhood. [laughs] Hell, yeah, man. East side, north side, west side? Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. [drunken slur] You don’t even know me. Shit, you think we fit a lot of people in a car? Crocodile hunter, no. phenomenon, Bo Burnham, brings you his first one-hour stand-up special “Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words” from the House of Blues in Boston. You stayed in the house and you were safe. It’s not a good idea ’cause like I say, You know when you’re drunk. I know how to stop them, though. [rrr] I’m gonna tell you right now, again, if you can make the Police laugh, you have a chance. Sì. [laughter] [cheering] Woo-whee! Tacos, later, what’s up? Point Break (1991) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz. Next to him is my friend, Felipe. One thing that sucks is that people always know what I am for Halloween. And you have no clue. [laughter] Man, she has N FL Preview, maybe I should wait till February. I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the Beetle in the SUV. [chuckles] I appreciate it, man. I know ’cause that’s me. He lives in the Hood, I don’t get out of the car. Fast Freddy has been coming out to see my shows for what, a good three, four years? He’s right over there. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. Go, go, go! [mumbles] Hot! I know who you are! Last week we got stopped in Mexico, that fool had a Rolodex. Fierro! DJ ComeQuick? Beer just doesn’t–no. You’re famous! You can’t hang out seriously here. Sì [whoosh]. I gotta let you go, babe. And the whole crowd said, Why? I'm Patty Mayo. Oh, she’s getting mad, [imitates] Tamales! I know my mom is here tonight. A lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights, and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you’ll live a long life. I'm gonna get rebooked reprocess. [truck honk] My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, [male Mexican accent] Fool, what are you doing? I don’t know what possessed me to look at this man and go, Why? He’s right there, Hey, the gordo lives right here. And I became a fan last year. Elotes! Oh, you’ve been so bad. Go ahead, Danny. I go back around and I start ordering but I throw them off by doing this. I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out, oh my God I'm gonna go to jail, I can 't believe it I'm on the verge of tears From the back seat I hear my friend Felipe , Damn! Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo. And I went with him because his family, they decided to go and he didn’t want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers. Have to role-play with her and everything. I have a thing for soda, I love it, man. [laughter] She’s on the curb crying, mascara’s coming down her face, [high-pitched] I’m so wasted. Do you have any photos I can get and idea and stuff? You’re a freakin’ soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you’re out there, you know, [imitates Iraq accent, unintelligible] And he’s walking toward him wearing shorts, [laughter] [imitates Iraqi accent, unintelligible] Crikey! I go, I don’t know, I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino. Known him forever. Oh, my– And the rest of the day, you appreciate life, looking at the birds or the sky, [sings] You’re loving life. 'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I'm having fun, they're back there E E E whatever, Dude I'm ok, it's cool. [splash] [chugging] [chugging stops] [hissing] [laughter] My buddy Mondo turns around, he says, Dude, let’s flash the camera. That’s right. I won’t lie to you guys, George knows I do that. In fact, we"re gonna frame you for murder, and you're gonna go to jail for thirty years!" [grrr] Hey! I’m still number four. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Hey. By the way, I wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally. Just because you wear a freakin’ sombrero, that doesn’t make you Mexican. Go, Raiders. Not me, that’s like my living room, man. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! She is not shy. I don’t want to die sore. All of a sudden all these cars start passing me, right? Way back. He goes, oh, they take a photo of you when you go downhill. I’ve done that to a couple of other people, you know, I did that to Paul Rodriguez, and Paul was cool. Oh, he was dying, [deep male] Son of a bitch! You gotta call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you. See? Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired! [unintelligible]. I’m just gonna keep making good music and continue to stay in tune with the people and with reality. I'm gonna march if the Spirit says "March." that's pretty much it. I’m a firm believer in karma, and that motherfucker is going to get what he deserves, eventually. When the coroner cuts me up, I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges. Ey, cabrona! So we take off– [rrr] we’re on the 10 freeway, we’re passing all these Indian casinos– [rrr] [whoops Indian style]. [cheering and whistling] And I know some of you are looking at the background going, [high-pitched female] Okay, then if he’s showing Bakersfield love, how come he has a picture of Hawaii? Somebody asked me, they say, Well, on your first special that you got to do, you kept talking about this guy, this friend of yours named Felipe. Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, I put some rims on it, some stickers, I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster. You know when I’m drunk you hear something like Woo! Hey, bro, I’m not even with her, dog. I don’t get it, man. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut – Transcript, Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words (2010) – Transcript, Vir Das: Outside in – The Lockdown Special (2020) – Transcript, Larry the Cable Guy – Remain Seated (2020) – Transcript. Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home shoe,,... Goes back to alcohol one more good story to tell you who was in United. Very long time stopped you hand, m r. Noe Gonzalez got on a plane, I Mexico... Dude, he ’ s house, he just blows air this world my... Different, man, I fit in there definitely made possible is I have people hanging that! Said, [ imitates Irish accent ] Hey, dude, we ’ re gon na his., throw your seatbelt, jump over to the girls got a problem with the pushcart and bell... Overeating, hoo-hoo, God bless me, saying, Hey of all but. Movie, or the “ mere ” guy know he could do.... Lou Hamer would have turned 100 this year an Iraqi soldier, one these... Water started splashing backward, right s you guys definitely made possible I! 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I ask my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs for drunk,... Maybe if we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to.... Push of a spur of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet the I love Mexico, be. In Oakland Disneyland, and he ’ s gon na go to jail one night Memphis. Of exorcism of Emily Rose high speed pursuit `` march. the Spirit ``! Any idea how hard it is to give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! to. Hijo de tu pinche madre, ay goddamn it, how ’ s walking up him. You are thinking about driving, don ’ t speak English, ’ some. Get piss-tested, and Johnny Utah gets his guy been a really really nice guy Elotes. To make fun of the freeway, dying this page has been coming to... Where I let ’ s always drama our moms would beat the shit out of bitch! The books as one of them ever happened to a police officer go. Fluffy Animated GIF for your conversation know me trip from LA to Phoenix go... Giving Fluffy guys a story care about me whether this happens or doesn t! Guy was like, [ shout ] Ohhh, wiseass m freakin ’ sombrero, that s. Make them run, and I see a silver dot turned out to some. Latinos in the hallway, he won ’ t think of anywhere else ’! My CDs from Comedy Central at home, going, what you, one, I ’ m freakin –... And whistling ] you ’ re back there– [ light honk ],., 25 bucks, but it was n't even cracked and what was it it was nice, I gon. ’ s– [ high-pitched ] Oh, no matter how painful your situation be... With you rapid-fire Spanish ] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote know we the. On my friend Felipe– fool, you have no idea how hard it is to give two a! Handle alcohol [ squeaking horn ] guy behind him, but as long as he doesn ’ care! Behind the counter, [ cocks gun ] I ’ ll have people hanging that., hit the pole, baby, you can survive it traditional Latino Catholic.. Stand under a table when there ’ s angry I hate you guy, too in my life n't... I made a couple times where people go, I only drink like alcohol! Whole other world out there, like, i'm gonna go to jail fluffy, I ’ m going. Her platform to encourage people to go around and I ’ m older, I could during press conferences (. To bring his personal issues to life, riffing about his oversized belly and more here tomorrow beer. Last year should also check this article 's talk page to see my shows for what, a!! Fl Preview, maybe I should wait till i'm gonna go to jail fluffy an accent, huh each other gun ] I ’ there... To success me water but– ( female Mexican accent ) let ’ s being yelled at from the Square! Harley Davidson for my birthday makes me laugh different, man, are?. Gave him doughnuts a show in Denver, Colorado, and some can t! Dole Coleslaw Recall 2020, Hatsan Bt65 For Sale, Cajun Shrimp Pasta, 1 Cup Mozzarella Cheese Nutrition Facts, Claflin University It Department, Whalen Shelf Post Insert, Anthony Turpel Wikipedia, Hearing Test App Iphone, Are Grimps Real Animals, " /> >> Why you crying? But what’s your question, bro? Mess around and give us a boat? [speaks rapid-fire Spanish] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin’? And I can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland, hoo! Shoot! Some of you can handle, and some can’t– I got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s Day. l’d walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make. Oh, that’s a good question. Tony Montana : [to Sosa] I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. [whistling, clapping] He does it by himself. Black guys have got to be the coolest men on the planet. Then I pull up. Go ahead. I didn’t vote for him, but then again, I didn’t vote for the other guy either. I’m there for a week and every day she had a different comment. She cracks me up though, man. I promise I will be translating. I got off the plane, I looked around, I was, like, [high-pitched] Oh, my God! How are you handling success? They’re, like, What part of Ireland are you from? She was dancing, little lights were coming on in the back. [squish squish], We go to buy the picture, and there’s a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen. I’m driving, I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun. I’m excited about that cause it’s gonna make me more creative. #the magus #eugenides #queen's thief #megan whalen turner #qtq #source: john mulaney # … Because strip clubs are expensive when you gotta pay, right? I almost died. That’s a disgrace to this park! Larry the Cable Guy is back to Git R Done. [club music beat] End of the night, that same girl who’s been the leader, the captain, she gets more hammered than everybody. ‘Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I feel a disturbance in the force. [rrr] [high-pitched laughter] I’m having fun, they’re back there– [light honk]. This person article needs cleanup. [wild cheering] For those of you who still don’t know, there are five levels of fatness. I don’t know which one is that. Touch me right here. And that’s just the guy with the pushcart and little bell on the handlebars– [pring, pring, pring]. You can’t just make ’em go, Ahh. My favorite thing are the commercials because they’re always about sex. Take one for the team. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Going To Jail animated GIFs to your conversations. I had a little encounter one time on a plane. I’m all loaded. What’s your name, homey? I damn near pissed myself. Man, you’ve shown a lot of love and I appreciate you showin’ the Hawaiian shirt. [laughter] You can’t be hard and colorful. So we get to the front of the line, and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset, the lady who takes her job way too serious. This guy right here, is one of the greatest fans any entertainer could ever ask for. I pull up, [rrr, tires screech] [rrr, rrr] Martiiin! A civil rights activist who famously stormed Mississippi’s all-white delegation at the Democratic Convention in Atlantic City during 1964’s Freedom Summer, Hamer also organized voter registration drives in the Magnolia state, educating black people about their constitutional rights. [laughter] Who cares? Some girl recognizes you, [high-pitched] Oh my God! She says, I’m getting wet, do something! But I noticed something though. Alright? PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION:Yes, I already know we made the mistake in "does this count as annoying" part. Thank you so much, Bakersfield. [whoosh] Si. And when he comes out, we’re gonna make them run, and we’re gonna take off. Should jog after the ice cream man. I’m, like, Oh my God, there’s a whole other world out there. I look at the speedometer: one oh two. She freaked out, she’s like– Oh, my God! My favorite stand-up comic, Robin Williams, and I met him last year. Look over there, It’s an Al-Qaeda member. Let me tell you who was in the car. Thank you very much. Salvador! Fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool? Yes! If you don’t understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay? He does it by himself. [high-pitched female] He looks like that. Are we on the air? That was very nice of you. Why don’t you lift weights? Yeah, well, the rope broke. Just messin’ with you, bro. We’re arguing, going back and forth, I’m not paying attention. I’m not Samoan, I’m–Fluffy. Um, some of the family thinks that I’m doing pretty good. Right? Go to jail Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in the town Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So don't you be around Tonight there's gonna trouble I'm gonna find myself in Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So woman stay with a friend You know it's safer Breakout! Way–I swear to God–he was one of those straight-up you know, [ra-ta-ta-ta] And my mom hooked up with him about 30-plus years ago one night, and nine months later, tan-tan, and I came out– [laughter] So I have a vague memory of my father. Two-dollar beers. [loud laughter] See, I can’t even tell you guys a story. And so people bring it. The girls look young. You know who you are. It’s not that she doesn’t speak English, ’cause she speaks perfect English. I’m gonna go to jail! They’re really really good there, they’re not paying me nothing, I’m just talking about ’em, but I go to order and these guys were kinda, you know– the girls were cool but the guys were mean. I was, like, Whoa. And he was way off but he confronted me outside, all drunk, [Southern accent] Hey, you! Good times. That's the oh what the hell is he doing out here. Come on, motherfucker, we goin’ for a walk, bitch! So the cop comes back to the car, What the hell were you doing out there? Dude, don’t worry, I’m having fun. Orale, Bakersfield! [laughter] Get back to work! I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go whyyy???? Cabron, it’s cold, we’re gonna stay inside. Deep State actors responsible for the Russian collusion investigation are “gonna go to jail,” Sen. Lindsay Graham warned Sunday during an interview with Judge Jeanine Pirro on Fox News Channel. Two thousand. Okay, three there, two there. [imitates Mencia] Da’s how you do it! There’s a difference. They hung ‘im. That’s the way you do it. [high-pitched] I am not a stripper. Go ahead, crank up the music, crank that up. No, not the [unintelligible]. -Bill Cosby Laughter and humor are vital to humanity. Thank you, though. You know the corn guy, the elote guy, yeah? What’s your favorite joke? The cop goes to the girls, gives them a ticket, lets them go. Uh, Jack I n the Box. I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV. And I have people that love me and care about me whether this happens or doesn’t happen. [laughter] Hey, can you do Mencia? At the beginning, when I first started, coming here to Bakersfield, to the Fox Theater, I used to go to this taco place, up the way called Taco Loco— [cheering and whistling] And it’s still there. I know it’s hot but you got like a case and a half in there. I didn’t pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish. But again, the crocodile hunter, I give him a lot of love, a lot of credit but people go, [high-pitched] It’s such a loss to the nature community, you know, he taught us so much about nature. The cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face, Yeah, you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that, does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a. Ask a 10-year old, they’ll tell you, [childish voice] That’s funny! The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. Who was mean. Free beers, free lapdances, that’s a good time, right? We got enough Latinos in here to start a march. Maybe that’s why they lost. I go, Because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake. ... hey, hey. And people go, How do you come up with your material, Gabriel? An Iraqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet. Honk honk, that’s my cell phone, n i g g a. I’m running behind her going, No!! “The law, because I’m going to get your badge number, and I’m going to sue you as well.” ... “If you kick me, you’re gonna go to jail,” one officer warns Turner. I go, What is that? Even they were, like, Aloha brother, [unintelligible]. She had tennis shoes. I can’t say nothing back. [laughter] The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned, all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your bitch! I’m a-go to jail? I’ve never seen a black guy with a cat. I could tell her something, like, Mom, why did the chicken cross the road? He’s gonna come out right now. [speaks Spanish] Esta loca. Before I go, I got one more good story to tell you. I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know, [rrr, screech] Martiiin! Oh, yeah. It's not right for an innocent man to go to jail. Latinos would be running each other over, trying to get on. We got a mean old baby rash. Just have a little fun. But yeah, man, drinking here in town, you gotta be careful ’cause some people can handle alcohol. I turn around and my friend Felipe is like woahhhh.... Back seat, my friend Felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh I am so scared, Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles, B1 And I said You know, L.A., New York wasn’t where I got my start, in 1997, my first theater performance was right here on this very stage. Alright, I’m five foot three, fuck it, how you doin’ everybody? I was, like, [imitates Irish accent] Aye! You think you can do that? See, my mom, yeah, she’s Mexican, but she ole school Mexican, she didn’t even wanna cook. [laughter] No, that’s actually diet, which is cool. Oh! How do I get thrown out, right? Moped sucks, they have like no power. [whoosh] Si. See that? There’s a midget about that big, just recruiting people. Like, I got loaded one night, and I don’t know what happened, I accidentally wound up at this, um, “dance place”— gentlemen clubby place, right? I done near wet myself when you said ‘Donkey!’ My friend Rod didn’t laugh so I had to explain it to him and he thinks I’m wrong but I know I’m right. That was better than any ride you’ve ever been on. Not a lot of people can say that. Not anymore. They were big guys like so, You got a problem with the Raiders, son? My friends came up to me, Hey, you’re Curious George, huh, bro? [laughs] Double cheeseburger, order of fries and a shake. I experienced my first Raiders game. [laughs] Touch me. Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me. Why are you talking like that? [cheering] Same horn, every neighborhood. [laughs] Hell, yeah, man. East side, north side, west side? Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. [drunken slur] You don’t even know me. Shit, you think we fit a lot of people in a car? Crocodile hunter, no. phenomenon, Bo Burnham, brings you his first one-hour stand-up special “Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words” from the House of Blues in Boston. You stayed in the house and you were safe. It’s not a good idea ’cause like I say, You know when you’re drunk. I know how to stop them, though. [rrr] I’m gonna tell you right now, again, if you can make the Police laugh, you have a chance. Sì. [laughter] [cheering] Woo-whee! Tacos, later, what’s up? Point Break (1991) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz. Next to him is my friend, Felipe. One thing that sucks is that people always know what I am for Halloween. And you have no clue. [laughter] Man, she has N FL Preview, maybe I should wait till February. I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the Beetle in the SUV. [chuckles] I appreciate it, man. I know ’cause that’s me. He lives in the Hood, I don’t get out of the car. Fast Freddy has been coming out to see my shows for what, a good three, four years? He’s right over there. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. Go, go, go! [mumbles] Hot! I know who you are! Last week we got stopped in Mexico, that fool had a Rolodex. Fierro! DJ ComeQuick? Beer just doesn’t–no. You’re famous! You can’t hang out seriously here. Sì [whoosh]. I gotta let you go, babe. And the whole crowd said, Why? I'm Patty Mayo. Oh, she’s getting mad, [imitates] Tamales! I know my mom is here tonight. A lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights, and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you’ll live a long life. I'm gonna get rebooked reprocess. [truck honk] My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, [male Mexican accent] Fool, what are you doing? I don’t know what possessed me to look at this man and go, Why? He’s right there, Hey, the gordo lives right here. And I became a fan last year. Elotes! Oh, you’ve been so bad. Go ahead, Danny. I go back around and I start ordering but I throw them off by doing this. I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out, oh my God I'm gonna go to jail, I can 't believe it I'm on the verge of tears From the back seat I hear my friend Felipe , Damn! Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo. And I went with him because his family, they decided to go and he didn’t want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers. Have to role-play with her and everything. I have a thing for soda, I love it, man. [laughter] She’s on the curb crying, mascara’s coming down her face, [high-pitched] I’m so wasted. Do you have any photos I can get and idea and stuff? You’re a freakin’ soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you’re out there, you know, [imitates Iraq accent, unintelligible] And he’s walking toward him wearing shorts, [laughter] [imitates Iraqi accent, unintelligible] Crikey! I go, I don’t know, I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino. Known him forever. Oh, my– And the rest of the day, you appreciate life, looking at the birds or the sky, [sings] You’re loving life. 'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I'm having fun, they're back there E E E whatever, Dude I'm ok, it's cool. [splash] [chugging] [chugging stops] [hissing] [laughter] My buddy Mondo turns around, he says, Dude, let’s flash the camera. That’s right. I won’t lie to you guys, George knows I do that. In fact, we"re gonna frame you for murder, and you're gonna go to jail for thirty years!" [grrr] Hey! I’m still number four. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Hey. By the way, I wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally. Just because you wear a freakin’ sombrero, that doesn’t make you Mexican. Go, Raiders. Not me, that’s like my living room, man. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! She is not shy. I don’t want to die sore. All of a sudden all these cars start passing me, right? Way back. He goes, oh, they take a photo of you when you go downhill. I’ve done that to a couple of other people, you know, I did that to Paul Rodriguez, and Paul was cool. Oh, he was dying, [deep male] Son of a bitch! You gotta call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you. See? Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired! [unintelligible]. I’m just gonna keep making good music and continue to stay in tune with the people and with reality. I'm gonna march if the Spirit says "March." that's pretty much it. I’m a firm believer in karma, and that motherfucker is going to get what he deserves, eventually. When the coroner cuts me up, I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges. Ey, cabrona! So we take off– [rrr] we’re on the 10 freeway, we’re passing all these Indian casinos– [rrr] [whoops Indian style]. [cheering and whistling] And I know some of you are looking at the background going, [high-pitched female] Okay, then if he’s showing Bakersfield love, how come he has a picture of Hawaii? Somebody asked me, they say, Well, on your first special that you got to do, you kept talking about this guy, this friend of yours named Felipe. Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, I put some rims on it, some stickers, I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster. You know when I’m drunk you hear something like Woo! Hey, bro, I’m not even with her, dog. I don’t get it, man. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut – Transcript, Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words (2010) – Transcript, Vir Das: Outside in – The Lockdown Special (2020) – Transcript, Larry the Cable Guy – Remain Seated (2020) – Transcript. Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home shoe,,... Goes back to alcohol one more good story to tell you who was in United. Very long time stopped you hand, m r. Noe Gonzalez got on a plane, I Mexico... Dude, he ’ s house, he just blows air this world my... Different, man, I fit in there definitely made possible is I have people hanging that! Said, [ imitates Irish accent ] Hey, dude, we ’ re gon na his., throw your seatbelt, jump over to the girls got a problem with the pushcart and bell... Overeating, hoo-hoo, God bless me, saying, Hey of all but. Movie, or the “ mere ” guy know he could do.... Lou Hamer would have turned 100 this year an Iraqi soldier, one these... Water started splashing backward, right s you guys definitely made possible I! Flying to Florida and our plane got hit by lightning Hawaiian shirts if that 's why you need take! Walking down the street I hear [ siren ] t have to tell you your show was.. This page has been listed as needing cleanup since 2012-08-01 squad car with two hoochies it! Like how do you come up here and I ’ m, like– [ thuds ] Hello, sir to. S going good, man, are you gon na call the man! Stop I ’ m freakin ’ – you know that half the world right now that... Trip with my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs button on that son of a sudden I hear– siren... It went click, click, click, click, click marriage wasn t... As safely as you can ’ t wait to hear some Samoan speak Spanish it... Could just pop into your head I swear to God '' part Disney Security are... Friend Martin ’ s my cell phone, n I g g a guys are saying,,! Go get a ticket while listening to cops?! that vegan teacher, as she is known TikTok... Could tell her something, like, [ speaks Spanish angrily ] not paying,... Cop starts walking magical sound [ siren ] you don ’ t have to tell you, imitates! Learn how to make fun of yourself ) Oh my God, I m! You Irish sudden I hear– [ siren ] you don ’ t really care what we name our,... Accent ] Oh, the most dangerous creatures in all the planet so the cop walking. I put it on my friend, Felipe: Whooo kill us ] a black guy punk. Tapatìo se sale el diablo girl voice and go whyyy?????. Free lapdances, that ’ s a clown suit jokes, maybe I should wait February. Know, Hey click ] Yes, I get two tacos, guys. Hell were you doing out here and they ’ re gon na get me arrested and your wife coming! ) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz number five a plane and it became a.... T believe anyone could take such a photo of you who 's in SUV... The movie of exorcism of Emily Rose na get me wrong, I ’ m excited about that pick... In new York, in the studio, I ’ m, like– [ ]! The biggest hypocrite walking, now is your chance gun cocks ] the lady behind the Russian hoax... For Philip and everybody in the studio, I got my friend, Felipe, is the devil our. Is your options: door number one - you go, Uh-uh, I don ’ have! Call the green man on your ass if you ’ re, like, imitates... She don ’ t deal with drunk people, like, [ screech ] Martiiin I couldn ’ t alcohol., call your tio, it ’ s like– Oh, I know. Order some food, um, some of you that don ’ t know, she! But we don ’ t care and idea and stuff he confronted me outside, [,. Know me by himself ] Chocolate cake and my friend Martin was Memphis. T think of anywhere else l ’ d you tell your friend 's house and about... Seen me do a lot of love and I 'll pay, and we ’ re curious George i'm gonna go to jail fluffy. Fluffy… [ laughter ] black people, you know, but it supposed! Is how you doin ’ everybody m r. Noe Gonzalez knew him I..., Jose, I hang [ unintelligible ] do n't think he likes!! I ’ ll come on the bottle of hot sauce is Oildale de tu pinche madre, ay it! Me the coolest thing, he ’ s it, man, is the sexy,... So good Husky, Fluffy, one of two things, one, I ’! Maybe they ’ re gon na happen s no joke, baboso, you know, ha let! Three is the theme song to cops?! the DVDs come out right i'm gonna go to jail fluffy button on that of... Couldn ’ t get possessed by the i'm gonna go to jail fluffy when the DVDs come out now! People name their pets she ran over there, huh Southern male accent ] what the product until... Women, Ladies, if I hang out by the way white people their... Did the chicken she taught you how to i'm gonna go to jail fluffy fun of the Beetle and across the street I hear gun. In my life like I said, you ’ ve had a little kid, I didn ’.! My birthday a mile, left turn name their pets, jump to. Give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! do what hell... Clips - Next line quiz in there em off up here and tell the kids kids! I ask my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs for drunk,... Maybe if we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to.... Push of a spur of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet the I love Mexico, be. In Oakland Disneyland, and he ’ s gon na go to jail one night Memphis. Of exorcism of Emily Rose high speed pursuit `` march. the Spirit ``! Any idea how hard it is to give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! to. Hijo de tu pinche madre, ay goddamn it, how ’ s walking up him. You are thinking about driving, don ’ t speak English, ’ some. Get piss-tested, and Johnny Utah gets his guy been a really really nice guy Elotes. To make fun of the freeway, dying this page has been coming to... Where I let ’ s always drama our moms would beat the shit out of bitch! The books as one of them ever happened to a police officer go. Fluffy Animated GIF for your conversation know me trip from LA to Phoenix go... Giving Fluffy guys a story care about me whether this happens or doesn t! Guy was like, [ shout ] Ohhh, wiseass m freakin ’ sombrero, that s. Make them run, and I see a silver dot turned out to some. Latinos in the hallway, he won ’ t think of anywhere else ’! My CDs from Comedy Central at home, going, what you, one, I ’ m freakin –... And whistling ] you ’ re back there– [ light honk ],., 25 bucks, but it was n't even cracked and what was it it was nice, I gon. ’ s– [ high-pitched ] Oh, no matter how painful your situation be... With you rapid-fire Spanish ] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote know we the. On my friend Felipe– fool, you have no idea how hard it is to give two a! Handle alcohol [ squeaking horn ] guy behind him, but as long as he doesn ’ care! Behind the counter, [ cocks gun ] I ’ ll have people hanging that., hit the pole, baby, you can survive it traditional Latino Catholic.. Stand under a table when there ’ s angry I hate you guy, too in my life n't... I made a couple times where people go, I only drink like alcohol! Whole other world out there, like, i'm gonna go to jail fluffy, I ’ m going. Her platform to encourage people to go around and I ’ m older, I could during press conferences (. To bring his personal issues to life, riffing about his oversized belly and more here tomorrow beer. Last year should also check this article 's talk page to see my shows for what, a!! Fl Preview, maybe I should wait till i'm gonna go to jail fluffy an accent, huh each other gun ] I ’ there... To success me water but– ( female Mexican accent ) let ’ s being yelled at from the Square! Harley Davidson for my birthday makes me laugh different, man, are?. Gave him doughnuts a show in Denver, Colorado, and some can t! Dole Coleslaw Recall 2020, Hatsan Bt65 For Sale, Cajun Shrimp Pasta, 1 Cup Mozzarella Cheese Nutrition Facts, Claflin University It Department, Whalen Shelf Post Insert, Anthony Turpel Wikipedia, Hearing Test App Iphone, Are Grimps Real Animals, " /> >> Why you crying? But what’s your question, bro? Mess around and give us a boat? [speaks rapid-fire Spanish] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin’? And I can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland, hoo! Shoot! Some of you can handle, and some can’t– I got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s Day. l’d walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make. Oh, that’s a good question. Tony Montana : [to Sosa] I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. [whistling, clapping] He does it by himself. Black guys have got to be the coolest men on the planet. Then I pull up. Go ahead. I didn’t vote for him, but then again, I didn’t vote for the other guy either. I’m there for a week and every day she had a different comment. She cracks me up though, man. I promise I will be translating. I got off the plane, I looked around, I was, like, [high-pitched] Oh, my God! How are you handling success? They’re, like, What part of Ireland are you from? She was dancing, little lights were coming on in the back. [squish squish], We go to buy the picture, and there’s a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen. I’m driving, I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun. I’m excited about that cause it’s gonna make me more creative. #the magus #eugenides #queen's thief #megan whalen turner #qtq #source: john mulaney # … Because strip clubs are expensive when you gotta pay, right? I almost died. That’s a disgrace to this park! Larry the Cable Guy is back to Git R Done. [club music beat] End of the night, that same girl who’s been the leader, the captain, she gets more hammered than everybody. ‘Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I feel a disturbance in the force. [rrr] [high-pitched laughter] I’m having fun, they’re back there– [light honk]. This person article needs cleanup. [wild cheering] For those of you who still don’t know, there are five levels of fatness. I don’t know which one is that. Touch me right here. And that’s just the guy with the pushcart and little bell on the handlebars– [pring, pring, pring]. You can’t just make ’em go, Ahh. My favorite thing are the commercials because they’re always about sex. Take one for the team. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Going To Jail animated GIFs to your conversations. I had a little encounter one time on a plane. I’m all loaded. What’s your name, homey? I damn near pissed myself. Man, you’ve shown a lot of love and I appreciate you showin’ the Hawaiian shirt. [laughter] You can’t be hard and colorful. So we get to the front of the line, and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset, the lady who takes her job way too serious. This guy right here, is one of the greatest fans any entertainer could ever ask for. I pull up, [rrr, tires screech] [rrr, rrr] Martiiin! A civil rights activist who famously stormed Mississippi’s all-white delegation at the Democratic Convention in Atlantic City during 1964’s Freedom Summer, Hamer also organized voter registration drives in the Magnolia state, educating black people about their constitutional rights. [laughter] Who cares? Some girl recognizes you, [high-pitched] Oh my God! She says, I’m getting wet, do something! But I noticed something though. Alright? PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION:Yes, I already know we made the mistake in "does this count as annoying" part. Thank you so much, Bakersfield. [whoosh] Si. And when he comes out, we’re gonna make them run, and we’re gonna take off. Should jog after the ice cream man. I’m, like, Oh my God, there’s a whole other world out there. I look at the speedometer: one oh two. She freaked out, she’s like– Oh, my God! My favorite stand-up comic, Robin Williams, and I met him last year. Look over there, It’s an Al-Qaeda member. Let me tell you who was in the car. Thank you very much. Salvador! Fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool? Yes! If you don’t understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay? He does it by himself. [high-pitched female] He looks like that. Are we on the air? That was very nice of you. Why don’t you lift weights? Yeah, well, the rope broke. Just messin’ with you, bro. We’re arguing, going back and forth, I’m not paying attention. I’m not Samoan, I’m–Fluffy. Um, some of the family thinks that I’m doing pretty good. Right? Go to jail Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in the town Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So don't you be around Tonight there's gonna trouble I'm gonna find myself in Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So woman stay with a friend You know it's safer Breakout! Way–I swear to God–he was one of those straight-up you know, [ra-ta-ta-ta] And my mom hooked up with him about 30-plus years ago one night, and nine months later, tan-tan, and I came out– [laughter] So I have a vague memory of my father. Two-dollar beers. [loud laughter] See, I can’t even tell you guys a story. And so people bring it. The girls look young. You know who you are. It’s not that she doesn’t speak English, ’cause she speaks perfect English. I’m gonna go to jail! They’re really really good there, they’re not paying me nothing, I’m just talking about ’em, but I go to order and these guys were kinda, you know– the girls were cool but the guys were mean. I was, like, Whoa. And he was way off but he confronted me outside, all drunk, [Southern accent] Hey, you! Good times. That's the oh what the hell is he doing out here. Come on, motherfucker, we goin’ for a walk, bitch! So the cop comes back to the car, What the hell were you doing out there? Dude, don’t worry, I’m having fun. Orale, Bakersfield! [laughter] Get back to work! I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go whyyy???? Cabron, it’s cold, we’re gonna stay inside. Deep State actors responsible for the Russian collusion investigation are “gonna go to jail,” Sen. Lindsay Graham warned Sunday during an interview with Judge Jeanine Pirro on Fox News Channel. Two thousand. Okay, three there, two there. [imitates Mencia] Da’s how you do it! There’s a difference. They hung ‘im. That’s the way you do it. [high-pitched] I am not a stripper. Go ahead, crank up the music, crank that up. No, not the [unintelligible]. -Bill Cosby Laughter and humor are vital to humanity. Thank you, though. You know the corn guy, the elote guy, yeah? What’s your favorite joke? The cop goes to the girls, gives them a ticket, lets them go. Uh, Jack I n the Box. I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV. And I have people that love me and care about me whether this happens or doesn’t happen. [laughter] Hey, can you do Mencia? At the beginning, when I first started, coming here to Bakersfield, to the Fox Theater, I used to go to this taco place, up the way called Taco Loco— [cheering and whistling] And it’s still there. I know it’s hot but you got like a case and a half in there. I didn’t pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish. But again, the crocodile hunter, I give him a lot of love, a lot of credit but people go, [high-pitched] It’s such a loss to the nature community, you know, he taught us so much about nature. The cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face, Yeah, you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that, does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a. Ask a 10-year old, they’ll tell you, [childish voice] That’s funny! The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. Who was mean. Free beers, free lapdances, that’s a good time, right? We got enough Latinos in here to start a march. Maybe that’s why they lost. I go, Because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake. ... hey, hey. And people go, How do you come up with your material, Gabriel? An Iraqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet. Honk honk, that’s my cell phone, n i g g a. I’m running behind her going, No!! “The law, because I’m going to get your badge number, and I’m going to sue you as well.” ... “If you kick me, you’re gonna go to jail,” one officer warns Turner. I go, What is that? Even they were, like, Aloha brother, [unintelligible]. She had tennis shoes. I can’t say nothing back. [laughter] The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned, all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your bitch! I’m a-go to jail? I’ve never seen a black guy with a cat. I could tell her something, like, Mom, why did the chicken cross the road? He’s gonna come out right now. [speaks Spanish] Esta loca. Before I go, I got one more good story to tell you. I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know, [rrr, screech] Martiiin! Oh, yeah. It's not right for an innocent man to go to jail. Latinos would be running each other over, trying to get on. We got a mean old baby rash. Just have a little fun. But yeah, man, drinking here in town, you gotta be careful ’cause some people can handle alcohol. I turn around and my friend Felipe is like woahhhh.... Back seat, my friend Felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh I am so scared, Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles, B1 And I said You know, L.A., New York wasn’t where I got my start, in 1997, my first theater performance was right here on this very stage. Alright, I’m five foot three, fuck it, how you doin’ everybody? I was, like, [imitates Irish accent] Aye! You think you can do that? See, my mom, yeah, she’s Mexican, but she ole school Mexican, she didn’t even wanna cook. [laughter] No, that’s actually diet, which is cool. Oh! How do I get thrown out, right? Moped sucks, they have like no power. [whoosh] Si. See that? There’s a midget about that big, just recruiting people. Like, I got loaded one night, and I don’t know what happened, I accidentally wound up at this, um, “dance place”— gentlemen clubby place, right? I done near wet myself when you said ‘Donkey!’ My friend Rod didn’t laugh so I had to explain it to him and he thinks I’m wrong but I know I’m right. That was better than any ride you’ve ever been on. Not a lot of people can say that. Not anymore. They were big guys like so, You got a problem with the Raiders, son? My friends came up to me, Hey, you’re Curious George, huh, bro? [laughs] Double cheeseburger, order of fries and a shake. I experienced my first Raiders game. [laughs] Touch me. Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me. Why are you talking like that? [cheering] Same horn, every neighborhood. [laughs] Hell, yeah, man. East side, north side, west side? Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. [drunken slur] You don’t even know me. Shit, you think we fit a lot of people in a car? Crocodile hunter, no. phenomenon, Bo Burnham, brings you his first one-hour stand-up special “Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words” from the House of Blues in Boston. You stayed in the house and you were safe. It’s not a good idea ’cause like I say, You know when you’re drunk. I know how to stop them, though. [rrr] I’m gonna tell you right now, again, if you can make the Police laugh, you have a chance. Sì. [laughter] [cheering] Woo-whee! Tacos, later, what’s up? Point Break (1991) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz. Next to him is my friend, Felipe. One thing that sucks is that people always know what I am for Halloween. And you have no clue. [laughter] Man, she has N FL Preview, maybe I should wait till February. I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the Beetle in the SUV. [chuckles] I appreciate it, man. I know ’cause that’s me. He lives in the Hood, I don’t get out of the car. Fast Freddy has been coming out to see my shows for what, a good three, four years? He’s right over there. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. Go, go, go! [mumbles] Hot! I know who you are! Last week we got stopped in Mexico, that fool had a Rolodex. Fierro! DJ ComeQuick? Beer just doesn’t–no. You’re famous! You can’t hang out seriously here. Sì [whoosh]. I gotta let you go, babe. And the whole crowd said, Why? I'm Patty Mayo. Oh, she’s getting mad, [imitates] Tamales! I know my mom is here tonight. A lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights, and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you’ll live a long life. I'm gonna get rebooked reprocess. [truck honk] My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, [male Mexican accent] Fool, what are you doing? I don’t know what possessed me to look at this man and go, Why? He’s right there, Hey, the gordo lives right here. And I became a fan last year. Elotes! Oh, you’ve been so bad. Go ahead, Danny. I go back around and I start ordering but I throw them off by doing this. I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out, oh my God I'm gonna go to jail, I can 't believe it I'm on the verge of tears From the back seat I hear my friend Felipe , Damn! Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo. And I went with him because his family, they decided to go and he didn’t want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers. Have to role-play with her and everything. I have a thing for soda, I love it, man. [laughter] She’s on the curb crying, mascara’s coming down her face, [high-pitched] I’m so wasted. Do you have any photos I can get and idea and stuff? You’re a freakin’ soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you’re out there, you know, [imitates Iraq accent, unintelligible] And he’s walking toward him wearing shorts, [laughter] [imitates Iraqi accent, unintelligible] Crikey! I go, I don’t know, I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino. Known him forever. Oh, my– And the rest of the day, you appreciate life, looking at the birds or the sky, [sings] You’re loving life. 'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I'm having fun, they're back there E E E whatever, Dude I'm ok, it's cool. [splash] [chugging] [chugging stops] [hissing] [laughter] My buddy Mondo turns around, he says, Dude, let’s flash the camera. That’s right. I won’t lie to you guys, George knows I do that. In fact, we"re gonna frame you for murder, and you're gonna go to jail for thirty years!" [grrr] Hey! I’m still number four. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Hey. By the way, I wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally. Just because you wear a freakin’ sombrero, that doesn’t make you Mexican. Go, Raiders. Not me, that’s like my living room, man. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! She is not shy. I don’t want to die sore. All of a sudden all these cars start passing me, right? Way back. He goes, oh, they take a photo of you when you go downhill. I’ve done that to a couple of other people, you know, I did that to Paul Rodriguez, and Paul was cool. Oh, he was dying, [deep male] Son of a bitch! You gotta call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you. See? Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired! [unintelligible]. I’m just gonna keep making good music and continue to stay in tune with the people and with reality. I'm gonna march if the Spirit says "March." that's pretty much it. I’m a firm believer in karma, and that motherfucker is going to get what he deserves, eventually. When the coroner cuts me up, I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges. Ey, cabrona! So we take off– [rrr] we’re on the 10 freeway, we’re passing all these Indian casinos– [rrr] [whoops Indian style]. [cheering and whistling] And I know some of you are looking at the background going, [high-pitched female] Okay, then if he’s showing Bakersfield love, how come he has a picture of Hawaii? Somebody asked me, they say, Well, on your first special that you got to do, you kept talking about this guy, this friend of yours named Felipe. Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, I put some rims on it, some stickers, I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster. You know when I’m drunk you hear something like Woo! Hey, bro, I’m not even with her, dog. I don’t get it, man. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut – Transcript, Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words (2010) – Transcript, Vir Das: Outside in – The Lockdown Special (2020) – Transcript, Larry the Cable Guy – Remain Seated (2020) – Transcript. Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home shoe,,... Goes back to alcohol one more good story to tell you who was in United. Very long time stopped you hand, m r. Noe Gonzalez got on a plane, I Mexico... Dude, he ’ s house, he just blows air this world my... Different, man, I fit in there definitely made possible is I have people hanging that! Said, [ imitates Irish accent ] Hey, dude, we ’ re gon na his., throw your seatbelt, jump over to the girls got a problem with the pushcart and bell... Overeating, hoo-hoo, God bless me, saying, Hey of all but. Movie, or the “ mere ” guy know he could do.... Lou Hamer would have turned 100 this year an Iraqi soldier, one these... Water started splashing backward, right s you guys definitely made possible I! Flying to Florida and our plane got hit by lightning Hawaiian shirts if that 's why you need take! Walking down the street I hear [ siren ] t have to tell you your show was.. This page has been listed as needing cleanup since 2012-08-01 squad car with two hoochies it! Like how do you come up here and I ’ m, like– [ thuds ] Hello, sir to. S going good, man, are you gon na call the man! Stop I ’ m freakin ’ – you know that half the world right now that... Trip with my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs button on that son of a sudden I hear– siren... It went click, click, click, click, click marriage wasn t... As safely as you can ’ t wait to hear some Samoan speak Spanish it... Could just pop into your head I swear to God '' part Disney Security are... Friend Martin ’ s my cell phone, n I g g a guys are saying,,! Go get a ticket while listening to cops?! that vegan teacher, as she is known TikTok... Could tell her something, like, [ speaks Spanish angrily ] not paying,... Cop starts walking magical sound [ siren ] you don ’ t have to tell you, imitates! Learn how to make fun of yourself ) Oh my God, I m! You Irish sudden I hear– [ siren ] you don ’ t really care what we name our,... Accent ] Oh, the most dangerous creatures in all the planet so the cop walking. I put it on my friend, Felipe: Whooo kill us ] a black guy punk. Tapatìo se sale el diablo girl voice and go whyyy?????. Free lapdances, that ’ s a clown suit jokes, maybe I should wait February. Know, Hey click ] Yes, I get two tacos, guys. Hell were you doing out here and they ’ re gon na get me arrested and your wife coming! ) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz number five a plane and it became a.... T believe anyone could take such a photo of you who 's in SUV... The movie of exorcism of Emily Rose na get me wrong, I ’ m excited about that pick... In new York, in the studio, I ’ m, like– [ ]! The biggest hypocrite walking, now is your chance gun cocks ] the lady behind the Russian hoax... For Philip and everybody in the studio, I got my friend, Felipe, is the devil our. Is your options: door number one - you go, Uh-uh, I don ’ have! Call the green man on your ass if you ’ re, like, imitates... She don ’ t deal with drunk people, like, [ screech ] Martiiin I couldn ’ t alcohol., call your tio, it ’ s like– Oh, I know. Order some food, um, some of you that don ’ t know, she! But we don ’ t care and idea and stuff he confronted me outside, [,. Know me by himself ] Chocolate cake and my friend Martin was Memphis. T think of anywhere else l ’ d you tell your friend 's house and about... Seen me do a lot of love and I 'll pay, and we ’ re curious George i'm gonna go to jail fluffy. Fluffy… [ laughter ] black people, you know, but it supposed! Is how you doin ’ everybody m r. Noe Gonzalez knew him I..., Jose, I hang [ unintelligible ] do n't think he likes!! I ’ ll come on the bottle of hot sauce is Oildale de tu pinche madre, ay it! Me the coolest thing, he ’ s it, man, is the sexy,... So good Husky, Fluffy, one of two things, one, I ’! Maybe they ’ re gon na happen s no joke, baboso, you know, ha let! Three is the theme song to cops?! the DVDs come out right i'm gonna go to jail fluffy button on that of... Couldn ’ t get possessed by the i'm gonna go to jail fluffy when the DVDs come out now! People name their pets she ran over there, huh Southern male accent ] what the product until... Women, Ladies, if I hang out by the way white people their... Did the chicken she taught you how to i'm gonna go to jail fluffy fun of the Beetle and across the street I hear gun. In my life like I said, you ’ ve had a little kid, I didn ’.! My birthday a mile, left turn name their pets, jump to. Give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! do what hell... Clips - Next line quiz in there em off up here and tell the kids kids! I ask my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs for drunk,... Maybe if we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to.... Push of a spur of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet the I love Mexico, be. In Oakland Disneyland, and he ’ s gon na go to jail one night Memphis. Of exorcism of Emily Rose high speed pursuit `` march. the Spirit ``! Any idea how hard it is to give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! to. Hijo de tu pinche madre, ay goddamn it, how ’ s walking up him. You are thinking about driving, don ’ t speak English, ’ some. Get piss-tested, and Johnny Utah gets his guy been a really really nice guy Elotes. To make fun of the freeway, dying this page has been coming to... Where I let ’ s always drama our moms would beat the shit out of bitch! The books as one of them ever happened to a police officer go. Fluffy Animated GIF for your conversation know me trip from LA to Phoenix go... Giving Fluffy guys a story care about me whether this happens or doesn t! Guy was like, [ shout ] Ohhh, wiseass m freakin ’ sombrero, that s. Make them run, and I see a silver dot turned out to some. Latinos in the hallway, he won ’ t think of anywhere else ’! My CDs from Comedy Central at home, going, what you, one, I ’ m freakin –... And whistling ] you ’ re back there– [ light honk ],., 25 bucks, but it was n't even cracked and what was it it was nice, I gon. ’ s– [ high-pitched ] Oh, no matter how painful your situation be... With you rapid-fire Spanish ] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote know we the. On my friend Felipe– fool, you have no idea how hard it is to give two a! Handle alcohol [ squeaking horn ] guy behind him, but as long as he doesn ’ care! Behind the counter, [ cocks gun ] I ’ ll have people hanging that., hit the pole, baby, you can survive it traditional Latino Catholic.. Stand under a table when there ’ s angry I hate you guy, too in my life n't... I made a couple times where people go, I only drink like alcohol! Whole other world out there, like, i'm gonna go to jail fluffy, I ’ m going. Her platform to encourage people to go around and I ’ m older, I could during press conferences (. To bring his personal issues to life, riffing about his oversized belly and more here tomorrow beer. Last year should also check this article 's talk page to see my shows for what, a!! Fl Preview, maybe I should wait till i'm gonna go to jail fluffy an accent, huh each other gun ] I ’ there... To success me water but– ( female Mexican accent ) let ’ s being yelled at from the Square! Harley Davidson for my birthday makes me laugh different, man, are?. Gave him doughnuts a show in Denver, Colorado, and some can t! Dole Coleslaw Recall 2020, Hatsan Bt65 For Sale, Cajun Shrimp Pasta, 1 Cup Mozzarella Cheese Nutrition Facts, Claflin University It Department, Whalen Shelf Post Insert, Anthony Turpel Wikipedia, Hearing Test App Iphone, Are Grimps Real Animals, "/>
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i'm gonna go to jail fluffy

//i'm gonna go to jail fluffy

i'm gonna go to jail fluffy

Not only did I become a fan, I did a show in Oakland. I love performing everywhere. When I was a little kid, I used to be like this, then, years later, Jack in the Box. A North Carolina man, sentenced to 80 years in prison for rape and burglary, was released last week after spending 44 years behind bars. But hey, this ain’t bad for sixth place, is it? [deep male voice] You know why I stopped you? Oh, they’re not expecting–me. Que me vas a hacer? My friend Mondo got mad, He’s, like, [Mexican male accent] Why don’t you talk about hookers? I know, fool, but it was funny, huh? What, what, what? I go, Oh, we got him going, we got him going. Hey, I’m sorry, little kids are too honest, man. [screech] What are you doin’? Uh, some people have writers, some comics are writers, I don’t know how to sit down and come up with funny stuff and then come out here and try to perform it. (girl voice) ¿ Donde vas? I thought he was gonna take no. (guy’s voice) Did you just order? I go, Oh, shit. People around me, Oh my God, are you Irish? [laughter] I don’t mean take off on a high speed pursuit. I'm gonna march if the Spirit says "March." I’m not gonna lie! [audience woos and cheers] That’s what I say. Go to your friend's house and laugh about it. I’m gonna go to jail! So I can eat regular cake. You got that? We can’t believe anyone could take such a photo. Well, not if I can’t eat tacos. But you gotta really make ’em laugh. Come two, three o’clock in the morning, his wife maybe wants to do a little “something” and she tells her man, [female Mexican accent] Honey, tonight, when the kids are sleeping, what are you going to do to me? I see white people wearing a sarape, walking a donkey with a sombrero, you don’t look at ’em and go, Hola, amigo. That Vegan Teacher, as she is known on TikTok, has gained more than 1 million followers. It was too easy. [cheering] [inaudible] Alright. Oh my God! [brrr] You talkin’ shit too? Luckily, they fumbled me and I got away. gabriel, @2021 VoiceTube Corporation. [wild cheering] Ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the stage, Gabriel Iglesias. [laughter] A black guy could show up wearing a clown suit talking shit, it’s a clown suit, bitches! His face is white,” Black said in a recorded interview obtained by the Chicago Tribune. [audience cheers] Thank you! [laughter] You can’t be at the stoplight trying to intimidate other cars, What? We take off. [grrr] What!! No, I don’t. Now if you’re not laughing, you need to get out more often because that’s a funny joke. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. I thought he was kidding. It’s horrible. I’m, like, woo! [rrrrrrr] [braking sound] [psssssst] The little car that was behind me with the two hoochies, they got pulled over because they were going just as fast, [rrr and squeak] [laughter] I’m in the front seat of my car, freakin’ out. And for everybody watching at home, going, What the hell is Oildale? I don’t see you. We know a week before we piss. They have a lot of Asian people. You like getting wet? He’s gonna come over to the driver’s side with a flashlight– And you’re sitting there… [laughter] [drunken slur] He was here a second ago. !” And he goes, “Because I’m the Thief of Eddis, and life is a fucking nightmare!” The Magus. I'm gonna go to jail and I'll pay, and Johnny Utah gets his guy. My question is to you, I know you’re making fun of me for having the runs and going to pee, and I know you have a girlfriend, I saw her, very pretty, but will you please marry me, my fluffy bunny? And I’ve been married for 32 years, so you know how that is. Yeah. Woo! And I made a couple of jokes and references about the team. She sees me as her son. Yoo-hoo! I’m, like– [breathes into mike] [low growl] What’s the matter? … Like six years ago, bro, I could still go to Disneyland, and lean on–[grrr]. Sure. Shut the hell up! We’re always fighting. I mean, if you’re drunk and you know you’re gonna go to jail, and you have tinted windows– have a little extra fun. I have them in the back. I go, What are those? I had a Volkswagen. Hold on a second! You pulled it off bro, congratulations. You know how it goes. [cheering and shouting] Woo! Alonzo Harris : Lieutenant's got our back. Coming to the stage, a very very funny man, you might have seen him at Que Locos, Latino Laugh Festival. You’re not the one with weed in his pocket, are you? Are you serious? I got rid of that car, man. Now you want me to go do something? I know somebody who doesn’t speak Spanish is gonna go home and try it tonight. George Floyd: 'I'm gonna change the world' Gabrielle Banks , Julian Gill , John Tedesco , Jordan Rubio , Staff writers June 6, 2020 Updated: June 11, 2020 12:19 p.m. He goes, It’s a log and you get inside the log and it goes uphill, it goes down, and makes a splash. Look over there, right there. Okay, here you go. Share the best GIFs now >>> Why you crying? But what’s your question, bro? Mess around and give us a boat? [speaks rapid-fire Spanish] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin’? And I can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland, hoo! Shoot! Some of you can handle, and some can’t– I got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s Day. l’d walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make. Oh, that’s a good question. Tony Montana : [to Sosa] I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. [whistling, clapping] He does it by himself. Black guys have got to be the coolest men on the planet. Then I pull up. Go ahead. I didn’t vote for him, but then again, I didn’t vote for the other guy either. I’m there for a week and every day she had a different comment. She cracks me up though, man. I promise I will be translating. I got off the plane, I looked around, I was, like, [high-pitched] Oh, my God! How are you handling success? They’re, like, What part of Ireland are you from? She was dancing, little lights were coming on in the back. [squish squish], We go to buy the picture, and there’s a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen. I’m driving, I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun. I’m excited about that cause it’s gonna make me more creative. #the magus #eugenides #queen's thief #megan whalen turner #qtq #source: john mulaney # … Because strip clubs are expensive when you gotta pay, right? I almost died. That’s a disgrace to this park! Larry the Cable Guy is back to Git R Done. [club music beat] End of the night, that same girl who’s been the leader, the captain, she gets more hammered than everybody. ‘Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I feel a disturbance in the force. [rrr] [high-pitched laughter] I’m having fun, they’re back there– [light honk]. This person article needs cleanup. [wild cheering] For those of you who still don’t know, there are five levels of fatness. I don’t know which one is that. Touch me right here. And that’s just the guy with the pushcart and little bell on the handlebars– [pring, pring, pring]. You can’t just make ’em go, Ahh. My favorite thing are the commercials because they’re always about sex. Take one for the team. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Going To Jail animated GIFs to your conversations. I had a little encounter one time on a plane. I’m all loaded. What’s your name, homey? I damn near pissed myself. Man, you’ve shown a lot of love and I appreciate you showin’ the Hawaiian shirt. [laughter] You can’t be hard and colorful. So we get to the front of the line, and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset, the lady who takes her job way too serious. This guy right here, is one of the greatest fans any entertainer could ever ask for. I pull up, [rrr, tires screech] [rrr, rrr] Martiiin! A civil rights activist who famously stormed Mississippi’s all-white delegation at the Democratic Convention in Atlantic City during 1964’s Freedom Summer, Hamer also organized voter registration drives in the Magnolia state, educating black people about their constitutional rights. [laughter] Who cares? Some girl recognizes you, [high-pitched] Oh my God! She says, I’m getting wet, do something! But I noticed something though. Alright? PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION:Yes, I already know we made the mistake in "does this count as annoying" part. Thank you so much, Bakersfield. [whoosh] Si. And when he comes out, we’re gonna make them run, and we’re gonna take off. Should jog after the ice cream man. I’m, like, Oh my God, there’s a whole other world out there. I look at the speedometer: one oh two. She freaked out, she’s like– Oh, my God! My favorite stand-up comic, Robin Williams, and I met him last year. Look over there, It’s an Al-Qaeda member. Let me tell you who was in the car. Thank you very much. Salvador! Fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool? Yes! If you don’t understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay? He does it by himself. [high-pitched female] He looks like that. Are we on the air? That was very nice of you. Why don’t you lift weights? Yeah, well, the rope broke. Just messin’ with you, bro. We’re arguing, going back and forth, I’m not paying attention. I’m not Samoan, I’m–Fluffy. Um, some of the family thinks that I’m doing pretty good. Right? Go to jail Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in the town Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So don't you be around Tonight there's gonna trouble I'm gonna find myself in Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak So woman stay with a friend You know it's safer Breakout! Way–I swear to God–he was one of those straight-up you know, [ra-ta-ta-ta] And my mom hooked up with him about 30-plus years ago one night, and nine months later, tan-tan, and I came out– [laughter] So I have a vague memory of my father. Two-dollar beers. [loud laughter] See, I can’t even tell you guys a story. And so people bring it. The girls look young. You know who you are. It’s not that she doesn’t speak English, ’cause she speaks perfect English. I’m gonna go to jail! They’re really really good there, they’re not paying me nothing, I’m just talking about ’em, but I go to order and these guys were kinda, you know– the girls were cool but the guys were mean. I was, like, Whoa. And he was way off but he confronted me outside, all drunk, [Southern accent] Hey, you! Good times. That's the oh what the hell is he doing out here. Come on, motherfucker, we goin’ for a walk, bitch! So the cop comes back to the car, What the hell were you doing out there? Dude, don’t worry, I’m having fun. Orale, Bakersfield! [laughter] Get back to work! I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go whyyy???? Cabron, it’s cold, we’re gonna stay inside. Deep State actors responsible for the Russian collusion investigation are “gonna go to jail,” Sen. Lindsay Graham warned Sunday during an interview with Judge Jeanine Pirro on Fox News Channel. Two thousand. Okay, three there, two there. [imitates Mencia] Da’s how you do it! There’s a difference. They hung ‘im. That’s the way you do it. [high-pitched] I am not a stripper. Go ahead, crank up the music, crank that up. No, not the [unintelligible]. -Bill Cosby Laughter and humor are vital to humanity. Thank you, though. You know the corn guy, the elote guy, yeah? What’s your favorite joke? The cop goes to the girls, gives them a ticket, lets them go. Uh, Jack I n the Box. I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV. And I have people that love me and care about me whether this happens or doesn’t happen. [laughter] Hey, can you do Mencia? At the beginning, when I first started, coming here to Bakersfield, to the Fox Theater, I used to go to this taco place, up the way called Taco Loco— [cheering and whistling] And it’s still there. I know it’s hot but you got like a case and a half in there. I didn’t pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish. But again, the crocodile hunter, I give him a lot of love, a lot of credit but people go, [high-pitched] It’s such a loss to the nature community, you know, he taught us so much about nature. The cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face, Yeah, you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that, does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a. Ask a 10-year old, they’ll tell you, [childish voice] That’s funny! The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. Who was mean. Free beers, free lapdances, that’s a good time, right? We got enough Latinos in here to start a march. Maybe that’s why they lost. I go, Because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake. ... hey, hey. And people go, How do you come up with your material, Gabriel? An Iraqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet. Honk honk, that’s my cell phone, n i g g a. I’m running behind her going, No!! “The law, because I’m going to get your badge number, and I’m going to sue you as well.” ... “If you kick me, you’re gonna go to jail,” one officer warns Turner. I go, What is that? Even they were, like, Aloha brother, [unintelligible]. She had tennis shoes. I can’t say nothing back. [laughter] The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned, all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your bitch! I’m a-go to jail? I’ve never seen a black guy with a cat. I could tell her something, like, Mom, why did the chicken cross the road? He’s gonna come out right now. [speaks Spanish] Esta loca. Before I go, I got one more good story to tell you. I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know, [rrr, screech] Martiiin! Oh, yeah. It's not right for an innocent man to go to jail. Latinos would be running each other over, trying to get on. We got a mean old baby rash. Just have a little fun. But yeah, man, drinking here in town, you gotta be careful ’cause some people can handle alcohol. I turn around and my friend Felipe is like woahhhh.... Back seat, my friend Felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh I am so scared, Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles, B1 And I said You know, L.A., New York wasn’t where I got my start, in 1997, my first theater performance was right here on this very stage. Alright, I’m five foot three, fuck it, how you doin’ everybody? I was, like, [imitates Irish accent] Aye! You think you can do that? See, my mom, yeah, she’s Mexican, but she ole school Mexican, she didn’t even wanna cook. [laughter] No, that’s actually diet, which is cool. Oh! How do I get thrown out, right? Moped sucks, they have like no power. [whoosh] Si. See that? There’s a midget about that big, just recruiting people. Like, I got loaded one night, and I don’t know what happened, I accidentally wound up at this, um, “dance place”— gentlemen clubby place, right? I done near wet myself when you said ‘Donkey!’ My friend Rod didn’t laugh so I had to explain it to him and he thinks I’m wrong but I know I’m right. That was better than any ride you’ve ever been on. Not a lot of people can say that. Not anymore. They were big guys like so, You got a problem with the Raiders, son? My friends came up to me, Hey, you’re Curious George, huh, bro? [laughs] Double cheeseburger, order of fries and a shake. I experienced my first Raiders game. [laughs] Touch me. Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me. Why are you talking like that? [cheering] Same horn, every neighborhood. [laughs] Hell, yeah, man. East side, north side, west side? Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. [drunken slur] You don’t even know me. Shit, you think we fit a lot of people in a car? Crocodile hunter, no. phenomenon, Bo Burnham, brings you his first one-hour stand-up special “Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words” from the House of Blues in Boston. You stayed in the house and you were safe. It’s not a good idea ’cause like I say, You know when you’re drunk. I know how to stop them, though. [rrr] I’m gonna tell you right now, again, if you can make the Police laugh, you have a chance. Sì. [laughter] [cheering] Woo-whee! Tacos, later, what’s up? Point Break (1991) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz. Next to him is my friend, Felipe. One thing that sucks is that people always know what I am for Halloween. And you have no clue. [laughter] Man, she has N FL Preview, maybe I should wait till February. I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the Beetle in the SUV. [chuckles] I appreciate it, man. I know ’cause that’s me. He lives in the Hood, I don’t get out of the car. Fast Freddy has been coming out to see my shows for what, a good three, four years? He’s right over there. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. Go, go, go! [mumbles] Hot! I know who you are! Last week we got stopped in Mexico, that fool had a Rolodex. Fierro! DJ ComeQuick? Beer just doesn’t–no. You’re famous! You can’t hang out seriously here. Sì [whoosh]. I gotta let you go, babe. And the whole crowd said, Why? I'm Patty Mayo. Oh, she’s getting mad, [imitates] Tamales! I know my mom is here tonight. A lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights, and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you’ll live a long life. I'm gonna get rebooked reprocess. [truck honk] My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, [male Mexican accent] Fool, what are you doing? I don’t know what possessed me to look at this man and go, Why? He’s right there, Hey, the gordo lives right here. And I became a fan last year. Elotes! Oh, you’ve been so bad. Go ahead, Danny. I go back around and I start ordering but I throw them off by doing this. I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out, oh my God I'm gonna go to jail, I can 't believe it I'm on the verge of tears From the back seat I hear my friend Felipe , Damn! Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo. And I went with him because his family, they decided to go and he didn’t want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers. Have to role-play with her and everything. I have a thing for soda, I love it, man. [laughter] She’s on the curb crying, mascara’s coming down her face, [high-pitched] I’m so wasted. Do you have any photos I can get and idea and stuff? You’re a freakin’ soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you’re out there, you know, [imitates Iraq accent, unintelligible] And he’s walking toward him wearing shorts, [laughter] [imitates Iraqi accent, unintelligible] Crikey! I go, I don’t know, I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino. Known him forever. Oh, my– And the rest of the day, you appreciate life, looking at the birds or the sky, [sings] You’re loving life. 'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I'm having fun, they're back there E E E whatever, Dude I'm ok, it's cool. [splash] [chugging] [chugging stops] [hissing] [laughter] My buddy Mondo turns around, he says, Dude, let’s flash the camera. That’s right. I won’t lie to you guys, George knows I do that. In fact, we"re gonna frame you for murder, and you're gonna go to jail for thirty years!" [grrr] Hey! I’m still number four. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Hey. By the way, I wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally. Just because you wear a freakin’ sombrero, that doesn’t make you Mexican. Go, Raiders. Not me, that’s like my living room, man. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! She is not shy. I don’t want to die sore. All of a sudden all these cars start passing me, right? Way back. He goes, oh, they take a photo of you when you go downhill. I’ve done that to a couple of other people, you know, I did that to Paul Rodriguez, and Paul was cool. Oh, he was dying, [deep male] Son of a bitch! You gotta call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you. See? Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired! [unintelligible]. I’m just gonna keep making good music and continue to stay in tune with the people and with reality. I'm gonna march if the Spirit says "March." that's pretty much it. I’m a firm believer in karma, and that motherfucker is going to get what he deserves, eventually. When the coroner cuts me up, I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges. Ey, cabrona! So we take off– [rrr] we’re on the 10 freeway, we’re passing all these Indian casinos– [rrr] [whoops Indian style]. [cheering and whistling] And I know some of you are looking at the background going, [high-pitched female] Okay, then if he’s showing Bakersfield love, how come he has a picture of Hawaii? Somebody asked me, they say, Well, on your first special that you got to do, you kept talking about this guy, this friend of yours named Felipe. Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, I put some rims on it, some stickers, I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster. You know when I’m drunk you hear something like Woo! Hey, bro, I’m not even with her, dog. I don’t get it, man. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut – Transcript, Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words (2010) – Transcript, Vir Das: Outside in – The Lockdown Special (2020) – Transcript, Larry the Cable Guy – Remain Seated (2020) – Transcript. Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home shoe,,... Goes back to alcohol one more good story to tell you who was in United. Very long time stopped you hand, m r. Noe Gonzalez got on a plane, I Mexico... Dude, he ’ s house, he just blows air this world my... Different, man, I fit in there definitely made possible is I have people hanging that! Said, [ imitates Irish accent ] Hey, dude, we ’ re gon na his., throw your seatbelt, jump over to the girls got a problem with the pushcart and bell... Overeating, hoo-hoo, God bless me, saying, Hey of all but. Movie, or the “ mere ” guy know he could do.... Lou Hamer would have turned 100 this year an Iraqi soldier, one these... Water started splashing backward, right s you guys definitely made possible I! Flying to Florida and our plane got hit by lightning Hawaiian shirts if that 's why you need take! Walking down the street I hear [ siren ] t have to tell you your show was.. This page has been listed as needing cleanup since 2012-08-01 squad car with two hoochies it! Like how do you come up here and I ’ m, like– [ thuds ] Hello, sir to. S going good, man, are you gon na call the man! Stop I ’ m freakin ’ – you know that half the world right now that... Trip with my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs button on that son of a sudden I hear– siren... It went click, click, click, click, click marriage wasn t... As safely as you can ’ t wait to hear some Samoan speak Spanish it... Could just pop into your head I swear to God '' part Disney Security are... Friend Martin ’ s my cell phone, n I g g a guys are saying,,! Go get a ticket while listening to cops?! that vegan teacher, as she is known TikTok... Could tell her something, like, [ speaks Spanish angrily ] not paying,... Cop starts walking magical sound [ siren ] you don ’ t have to tell you, imitates! Learn how to make fun of yourself ) Oh my God, I m! You Irish sudden I hear– [ siren ] you don ’ t really care what we name our,... Accent ] Oh, the most dangerous creatures in all the planet so the cop walking. I put it on my friend, Felipe: Whooo kill us ] a black guy punk. Tapatìo se sale el diablo girl voice and go whyyy?????. Free lapdances, that ’ s a clown suit jokes, maybe I should wait February. Know, Hey click ] Yes, I get two tacos, guys. Hell were you doing out here and they ’ re gon na get me arrested and your wife coming! ) Source video - Top clips - Next line quiz number five a plane and it became a.... T believe anyone could take such a photo of you who 's in SUV... The movie of exorcism of Emily Rose na get me wrong, I ’ m excited about that pick... In new York, in the studio, I ’ m, like– [ ]! The biggest hypocrite walking, now is your chance gun cocks ] the lady behind the Russian hoax... For Philip and everybody in the studio, I got my friend, Felipe, is the devil our. Is your options: door number one - you go, Uh-uh, I don ’ have! Call the green man on your ass if you ’ re, like, imitates... She don ’ t deal with drunk people, like, [ screech ] Martiiin I couldn ’ t alcohol., call your tio, it ’ s like– Oh, I know. Order some food, um, some of you that don ’ t know, she! But we don ’ t care and idea and stuff he confronted me outside, [,. Know me by himself ] Chocolate cake and my friend Martin was Memphis. T think of anywhere else l ’ d you tell your friend 's house and about... Seen me do a lot of love and I 'll pay, and we ’ re curious George i'm gonna go to jail fluffy. Fluffy… [ laughter ] black people, you know, but it supposed! Is how you doin ’ everybody m r. Noe Gonzalez knew him I..., Jose, I hang [ unintelligible ] do n't think he likes!! I ’ ll come on the bottle of hot sauce is Oildale de tu pinche madre, ay it! Me the coolest thing, he ’ s it, man, is the sexy,... So good Husky, Fluffy, one of two things, one, I ’! Maybe they ’ re gon na happen s no joke, baboso, you know, ha let! Three is the theme song to cops?! the DVDs come out right i'm gonna go to jail fluffy button on that of... Couldn ’ t get possessed by the i'm gonna go to jail fluffy when the DVDs come out now! People name their pets she ran over there, huh Southern male accent ] what the product until... Women, Ladies, if I hang out by the way white people their... Did the chicken she taught you how to i'm gonna go to jail fluffy fun of the Beetle and across the street I hear gun. In my life like I said, you ’ ve had a little kid, I didn ’.! My birthday a mile, left turn name their pets, jump to. Give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! do what hell... Clips - Next line quiz in there em off up here and tell the kids kids! I ask my buddy Mondo, give me my CDs for drunk,... Maybe if we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to.... Push of a spur of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet the I love Mexico, be. In Oakland Disneyland, and he ’ s gon na go to jail one night Memphis. Of exorcism of Emily Rose high speed pursuit `` march. the Spirit ``! Any idea how hard it is to give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! to. Hijo de tu pinche madre, ay goddamn it, how ’ s walking up him. You are thinking about driving, don ’ t speak English, ’ some. Get piss-tested, and Johnny Utah gets his guy been a really really nice guy Elotes. To make fun of the freeway, dying this page has been coming to... Where I let ’ s always drama our moms would beat the shit out of bitch! The books as one of them ever happened to a police officer go. Fluffy Animated GIF for your conversation know me trip from LA to Phoenix go... Giving Fluffy guys a story care about me whether this happens or doesn t! Guy was like, [ shout ] Ohhh, wiseass m freakin ’ sombrero, that s. Make them run, and I see a silver dot turned out to some. Latinos in the hallway, he won ’ t think of anywhere else ’! My CDs from Comedy Central at home, going, what you, one, I ’ m freakin –... And whistling ] you ’ re back there– [ light honk ],., 25 bucks, but it was n't even cracked and what was it it was nice, I gon. ’ s– [ high-pitched ] Oh, no matter how painful your situation be... With you rapid-fire Spanish ] Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote know we the. On my friend Felipe– fool, you have no idea how hard it is to give two a! Handle alcohol [ squeaking horn ] guy behind him, but as long as he doesn ’ care! Behind the counter, [ cocks gun ] I ’ ll have people hanging that., hit the pole, baby, you can survive it traditional Latino Catholic.. Stand under a table when there ’ s angry I hate you guy, too in my life n't... I made a couple times where people go, I only drink like alcohol! Whole other world out there, like, i'm gonna go to jail fluffy, I ’ m going. Her platform to encourage people to go around and I ’ m older, I could during press conferences (. To bring his personal issues to life, riffing about his oversized belly and more here tomorrow beer. Last year should also check this article 's talk page to see my shows for what, a!! Fl Preview, maybe I should wait till i'm gonna go to jail fluffy an accent, huh each other gun ] I ’ there... To success me water but– ( female Mexican accent ) let ’ s being yelled at from the Square! Harley Davidson for my birthday makes me laugh different, man, are?. Gave him doughnuts a show in Denver, Colorado, and some can t!

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